what can be hard to remember (or easily forgotten)

when faced with connecting with others i don't feel safe with, even in the most subtle way, i tend to freeze and do my version of a *deer in the headlights.* at best. at worst, i pretend the other person doesn't exist, which is foolish and does no one any good. generally i'm at a loss for what to do. the feeling of not being safe is based on a past experience and i get stuck (caught).

while i'm clear it's not who i want to be, this frozen in time person who isn't available, present-tense, i also feel lost. like my mind can't think of any other way to be.

the key is loving kindness, to be in a space of loving kindness and offer it to those i meet. this is an opportunity to practice embodying Christ, to be open to the flow of loving kindness. as i often like to reflect, what would Mary Magdalene do? to be empty of history and present to this moment.

there is safety in this emptiness and loving kindness.

something to remember. grateful for teachers, like tau +malachi, who remind me.

whatcha git

learned a new parenting phrase a coupla weeks ago:

you get what you get so don't throw a fit. (round here that'd be pronounced, yew git whatchu git n doan throw a fit.)

i think i like it. a lot.

i can imagine parents facing the age old struggle of attempting to keep pace with their children wanting to keep up with the latest fads, whether clothing or gadgetry. there's an opportunity to teach that Life's not about the things we buy, which can sometimes be a hard lesson, especially if/when the surrounding culture pushes consumerism. heck, lotsa adults struggle with this one, myself included.

what i like about it is that it speaks to starting from where you are. i can so easily complain about my background, whether about the abuse/neglect or bout growing up in a small town and the lack of exposure that can broadened one's perspective and offer challenges that can bring out the best in children, if they're supported. or the lack of funding, practically my whole life, the struggles of single parenthood, blah, blah, blah. it's never ending. but taking an inventory of the shortcomings of our past doesn't really benefit us. well, maybe once to raise our awareness, especially if we wanna do better for our children, but certainly ruminating over it doesn't help.

and this was similar to my son's response. my son, who's 19 and no longer needs my mothering, but it's sure nice having him around to have these kinds of conversations with, as well as others. initially he didn't like the phrase cause it sounded to him like there's no way to improve one's situation. i replied that i didn't think it meant that, only that belly achin bout it doesn't help anything.

we get what we get. and then we can move on from there, with choices from a range of almost infinite directions, one small step at a time. (which leads us to other parental phrases, lol.)

OR not.

an online friend shared with me how a parent used this phrase as part of their abuse, so it doesn't work for everyone. any phrase can be ruined that way, sadly.

today's short thought

Life (existence) is a rhetorical question.

RIM quote, re: the urban mystic

"The Urban Mystic serves as an awakened antibody in the bloodstream of humanity. Rather than avoiding the world, this being chooses to function and thrive within its marrow. Not caught in duality, this mystic remains aware of multiple dimensions of reality. The Urban Mystic sees the suffering existing alongside beauty and compassion. This being lives poised between the worlds aware of the Reality beyond opposites." ~Rosamonde Ikshvàku Miller (facebook.com/#!/rosamonde, gnosticsanctuary.org)

so grateful for rosamonde's inspiration and how she points the way. this sagittarius very much appreciates a clear target!

9 line toast

here's a toast that came to me for my birthday celebration last night (@ blackstar.coop). the chorus is said loudly, in rhythm, by everyone, then an individual shouts the in between phrases, also in rhythm.

(CHORUS:) ENLIGHTENMENT & LIBERATION!!!

(individual shouts): by the path you choose!

ENLIGHTENMENT & LIBERATION!!!

that there may be peace!

ENLIGHTENMENT & LIBERATION!!!

full awareness and freedom!

ENLIGHTENMENT & LIBERATION!!!

for ALL without exception!

ENLIGHTENMENT & LIBERATION!!!
(then everyone cheers!)

this was the toast we said this evening--great fun!

another 9: 3 leos, 3 RNs, 3 publishers (folks who work in publishing). my birthdays often have interesting 9 phenomena. it's also the 9th anniversary of the WV wreck (that could have killed me). so 3 9s. sweet!

Appamada

sweet zen center in austin (appamada.org) named for Buddha's last words, interpretted as "wakeful caring." LOVE sitting with them!

also love their 4 principles:

Caught in the self-centered dream, only suffering;
holding to self-centered thoughts, exactly the dream;
each moment, life as it is, the only teacher;
being just this moment, compassion’s way.


-.-

so clean, so empty, so restful. a wonderful place to dwell, full of potential.

labeling myself zen gnostic now :)

this morning's prayer

worked the overnight shift last night, so this is the prayer that happened as i drifted off to sleep bout 8a--

Holy One,
i am a child, innocent and ignorant. please gently open my awareness, dissolve my ignorance so that i may serve as your tool, to alleviate suffering and point to your true light.

help me to follow the true light (not to get lost like a bug zooming round a parking lot lamp post). for the enlightenment and liberation of all, without exception--

in the name of Logos, Christos & Sophia, Amen.