k, i can go to that paradoxical place, that perhaps gnosis is gained when experience is surrendered. i can go there. i jes sincerely never thought it would be through being blamed for things i haven't thought or said and being asked to change attitudes i don't have while joining in my teacher's reality that he doesn't make mistakes.
right.
then where's humility? i mean, the situation begins to look more like bullying. . .or even brain washing. ain't playin that game.
it's all so strange. . .starting off as someone else's lack of communication, which i initially found upsetting, but had decided not to say anything about it. but a friend felt compelled to, even though i asked her not to, which is her choice. i wish she hadn't, but she's a free agent. so the drama gets high and things get way twisted. i get misrepresented multiple times and there are layers upon layers of inaccuracy, but no dialog allowed. somehow i'm being disrespectful, which i totally don't get. meanwhile i'm watching those accusing me of being disrespectful, lacking in respect of themselves and others. maybe they think disagreement=disrespect, which aren't the same thing.
oh, and the friend who told my story without my permission? she's asked to stay in the group.
whole thang ain't fair, but Life often isn't.
gratefully, i've felt Holy Mother-Bride's presence through this whole mess. i'm sure she'll explain it all to me with time.
so i was once too radical for a group called 'mayhem,' n they banned me. now looks like i'm too heretical for gnostics n gettin banned again! i'm really not that outrageous--Really!!! lol! i'm actually pretty mousey, by some folks standards. [sigh] ah well, Life goes on.
and on and on and on. . . .
No comments:
Post a Comment