sometimes i wonder at my resistance. i don't get it, why/when/how it shows up, slowing me down. occasionally it feels right, like making space for deep integration. but other times, feels more like a limitation or some foreign influence holding me back. not that it is foreign. . .but it doesn't seem consistent with what i'm thinking/feeling i want.
today, exploring memories/sensations, that resistance feels like a heavy blanket on my mind, not unlike extreme fatigue from sleep deprivation. contemplating the metaphor, how it impacts my life, like how survival issues have been such a struggle for so long and seem to get in the way of the spiritual growth i long for. also possibly similar to this extra weight and the effort it will take to get to a healthier weight.
all seems like the same thing. praying for Abba-Imma's will to be done.
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