ok, so what kind of 'christian - other' do i mean? throughout my explorations of Truth, philosophy, life paths and theology, i've brought Jesus with me. not once has anyone ever asked me to renounce Him (which is what i was taught as a child would happen). amazingly the Truth is reflected in all faiths and my heart has called me to integrate these aspects.
PAGAN
as a child growing up in your average dysfunctional/abusive/neglectful american home, i often found sanctuary by being alone in uncultivated nature, along the creek that ran across one of the lots behind our house. nature saved me.
and the dance--sometimes on sunday mornings i would get up before anyone else, silently leave the house and dance in the street in my pj's. for the last 8 years i've gotten so much out of sweating my prayers at body choir (bodychoir.org) with my tribe. being in a body is a tremendous gift (also contrary to what i was taught in sunday school). the body has all our answers, accessible through our heart (chakra). dancing has been THE most transformational path i've come across--i can't recommend it highly enough. i've learned to be present through sensation and am continuously learning how to allow more pleasure/good things in my life.
nature and the body, are both very immediate. and the dance--humanity has danced since before time was recorded, we dance today and i believe we will always dance. it's a timeless practice that takes me to a place without time/space, a place of total connection, the deepest connection to self and the Sacred.
also i have a theory: before there was language, emotion wasn't analyzed out into glad/sad/mad but was one feeling--one passion--all ecstacy/lust/rage/joy was expressed as one >ARGH!!!< (ok, so it doesn't translate very well into type. :P) it's a strong life force current that runs through me and enables me to face whatever situation presents itself. i LOVE this expression of Spirit!
i've studied some native american practices and i have a great appreciation for their sense of the 4 directions. after my divorce, i thought the point of life was to get comfortable with freefall until my life became freefall--aaack!!!--and then i realized there IS structure i can depend on and one of these structures is the 4 directions. i've often felt that aboriginal peoples beliefs are closer to the Source in some ways, less diluted by politics and crowd control (like organized religions).
BUDDHIST
i'll never forget my first lesson of meditation from the darmadhatu center in austin. we sat. the instructor simply offered to observe the breath, watch it come and go. this only has to be (and i can't remember the exact number she gave me) 30% of your attention. other thoughts will come and go. if you find yourself running with your thoughts, simply come back to your breath. something that's come to me: that's why it's called a spiritual *practice*, 'cause you don't ever get perfect at it, you just keep practicing.
breath is the ultimate metaphor of the universe! seems like everything fits into patterns of inhale and exhale. when life feels out of balance, i look to see if i feel i need more inhale (rest/yin) or exhale (action/yang). meditation made childbirth manageable. and there is a sweet humility i've found with buddhists. when i heard the dalai lama speak in phoenix, i felt all this amazing energy enter with him, felt like a whole throng of angelic beings encircled him, and the first thing he said was, i am no different from anyone else here.
prayer is powerful and i still pray. meditation is also a powerful tool that adds serenity to my path/life. and then there's zen. not enough can be said about zen and there's nothing to be said. i love how it fully embraces mystery, absurdity, sanctity, simplicity and elegance all at once. everything is acknowledged including nothingness. helps me keep my sense o' humour. . .i tend to be way too serious when left to my natural way of being. there's just nothing like a good shot of zen.
(SIKH)
ok, lemme back track here a bit. for the longest time, when folks asked me if i was christian and then what denomination, i was at a loss for how to describe my christianity. 'esoteric' almost seemed limiting. when 'pagan buddhist christian' rolled across my consciousness, and i liked it, but since then i've wondered why 'sikh' wasn't in there. it doesn't really fit (linguistically), but i have learned so much from kundalini yoga and the sikh's as well. yogi bhajan gave us such a gift when he brought so much of the ancient wisdom of india, kundalini yoga and aeyurveda, to our country. it had been kept secret and there were consequences for what he shared. i'm grateful for his sacrifice. and for the name he gave me: gurudev kaur, which means 'princess of transparent wisdom.' waheh guru! which means 'wow God' and i love how much it sounds like alleluia!
i'm grateful for what i've learned 'bout keeping my spine healthy, about diet and some yummy recipes. and i love the men's long flowing beards and how they looked at me like i was a goddess descended from the heavens (the sikh's believe women are superior beings. . .i like the idea, but i'm not completely convinced). :) people are people are people regardless of their attributes, including gender.
CHRISTIAN
bottom line: Jesus has saved me. more than once. i would've killed myself when i was 12 if i hadn't believed i'd go straight to hell. i dunno 'bout heaven/hell anymore. . .i know this life can be either and i feel called to assist in the manifestation of heaven on earth (thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven). i've also heard that once a soul commits suicide in one lifetime, then there is a tendency to repeat that pattern. i believe we can leave strong emotional/energetic signatures that can stay with us from one life to the next. for instance, i lived in charlottesville, virginia once and hated it. i couldn't get clear on exactly why except that the architectural white columns felt oppressive. i've also lived in charleston, west virginia and i had an inexplicable and strong sense of *home* the minute i crossed state lines. these life experiences leave me wondering if i wasn't a slave in a previous life that ran to freedom in west virginia. i'm not sure it really matters. perhaps i was just sensitive to other lives that had done that and i was picking up on their energies. again, i'm not sure that it matters.
what matters is here and now, the infinite present moment. why else would we choose to exist in a dimension that has space/time? so how is it that a christian can still believe in reincarnation? here's the kicker for why, imho, Jesus is the ultimate: you see, i believe Jesus incarnated to set us free. COMPLETELY FREE. which includes political freedom ('the powers that be' by walter wink is an Excellent read), but that's not my point here. what he came to teach was unconditional Love and Forgiveness (i'm not sure 'bout the whole dying for my sins thing). IFF (if and only if) WE CAN TRULY FORGIVE THEN WE CAN STEP OUT OF THE KARMIC LOOP and we don't have to keep coming back, unless we want to.
and the person who needs the forgiveness most is--did you guess it? OURSELVES. me. you. we are here to learn to completely forgive ourselves of all the mistakes we've made or will ever make--AND to forgive ourselves for the shitty experiences we sign up for. like incarnating at all! 'cause life is suffering. there's lots of beauty, joy and yumminess along with the pain, but the pain sucks, nonetheless. there's the whole issue of separation from our maker (God) being an illusion that seems to be an inescapable intrinsic quality of this dimension (space/time), but that's another blog.
enough rambling for now. there are other influences, like rudolf steiner/anthroposophy/waldorf education, but this is more than enough for the moment. i welcome thoughts/responses/reactions/comments.
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