i struggle with these illusions, seems like a lot, especially recently. others may *get* it. you might get it. but i'm writing this incase i forget it again.
1.) sometimes there's conflict/challenge even though i haven't done anything wrong.
part of this comes from that whole childhood psyche thing where kids, especially those who grow up with abuse, blame themselves as a way to control the insanity in their lives cause it'd be too much to deal with when so vulnerable as children, like that the people beating us are those we depend on for food, shelter, etc. i've gotten over this outlook for many situations, even past the "new age" version of how we create our own reality, which doesn't explain 100%, not everything.
what i'm reminded about recently is personal conflicts with others, like communication break downs (let's leave mercury out of this; neutralize any effect). i can do everything ok, take care of myself and my boundaries, and it's still possible for things to get way fucked up. in fact, my experience is that often when i'm in a good place, doin good/feelin good, is when someone shows up who doesn't get it. this brings me to the second one.
2.) just because someone seems impossible, doesn't mean they are evil or unlikeable. they can be ok as they are.
which really irritates me. if someone acts like they don't like me and i'm not doing anything wrong, then i really want something to be wrong with them and for no one else to be able to stand them either. very childish, yes, which is why i keep this to myself. but many folks i listen to (and i do a lot of listening) express this sentiment. it's hard but i'd rather ground myself in the reality that they (the person in the conflict) are ok, maybe even have qualities i appreciate, than to tear them down or make up negative stories about them in my head.
even though it might not make any sense to me why someone might act like everything i do is wrong, that doesn't make it my problem. sure i can explore to see if there's some way to accommodate their preferences. in the current situation at work, feels like my peer is simply interested in power over and i'm simply not interested in giving my power away, so here we are.
i learned some of this schtuff when working hospice. most of the time, families are at their best when a loved one is dying, but occasionally (i'd guess bout 5% of the time) you get to work with a family where this isn't the case. and no one can blame them! death is one of the most difficult circumstances to deal with, for everyone. so occasionally, even the nicest nurses would work with one of these families and end up getting "fired" by them and then we'd all feel relieved.
cause as much as some of us may try to be reasonable, to leave as much drama behind as possible, as much as we might try to do the right thing, checking in with others around us to make sure whatever fits for everyone, as much effort as we may put into creating harmony; we're all, basically, human.
so i continue to work to give myself a break, while i continue to work to give others breaks.
to leave the conflicts be. leave 'm behind and focus on the harmony, on when it works, which is actually most of the time.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
ALL as new
releasing old context, old reference points, setting ground in the heart flame.
could it be so simple, the communion of seekers?
all seems new. once this was unnerving and surreal, but has grown secure through Holy Mother's Love and Grace, teaching me love and grace, this centering in the heart. forgiveness for all, releasing all needs to the Divine for perfect fulfillment.
meeting in circle, such comfort from other spiritual nerds. even though we are all very different, not like minded, there is an acceptance, a tender/gentle presence, recognition of sharing a path in this world, but not of it.
not that i've arrived or am in this space always, but enjoying this newness, outside of attachment, aversion or grasping.
yes, much grace.
and grateful.
could it be so simple, the communion of seekers?
all seems new. once this was unnerving and surreal, but has grown secure through Holy Mother's Love and Grace, teaching me love and grace, this centering in the heart. forgiveness for all, releasing all needs to the Divine for perfect fulfillment.
meeting in circle, such comfort from other spiritual nerds. even though we are all very different, not like minded, there is an acceptance, a tender/gentle presence, recognition of sharing a path in this world, but not of it.
not that i've arrived or am in this space always, but enjoying this newness, outside of attachment, aversion or grasping.
yes, much grace.
and grateful.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
crazy Truth
can't sleep, might as well blog. i suppose all honeymoons must end, change being one of the few constants of the universe 'n all. still sucks.
on myspace i have this list of sayings i've made up over time that i'll have to grab another time. my computer's too old to update the browser so i can't log onto myspace at the moment. later i may add the list to the end of this blog [actually it's posted as "b4ii" (10/15/09)].
one of the sayings was/is above, which may not be original with me--most of the "sayings" are simply stating the obvious, like--change is one of the few constants in the universe.
another one has to do with how more Truth is present when opposites are allowed to co-exist without attempts to change either. this doesn't make sense, in any rational way. and before i had this experience, i would've argued up/down/back/forth against it.
but really, the only thing that prevents the peaceful co-existance of opposites is the rational, logical mind: a human creation. rationality is a great tool and can actually go a long way to serving peace, but it too, has it's limits. it's good to develop a sense of when to let go of rationality and allow for either intuition or another non-linear, non-rational mode of thinking to be in the driver's seat, so to speak.
so what am i basing all this on, some kind of altered state, either induced by an additive (ie, drug) or meditation? not at all--not in the least, actually. this "saying" is based on attending a series of board meetings. yep, i'm a nerd, i went to board meetings for fun, lol. some would say i needed to get a life, but i felt like i was in the middle of it! cause with all the dead beauracracy we're surrounded with, i LOVE alive organizations. these board meetings were at the austin waldorf school that my son attended when he was small.
these meetings started with a marvelous verse by rudolf steiner, that i'm having trouble finding at the moment, which called us to seek the spiritual life through service to benefit others. and then they would discuss business. when the inevitable, apparent conflict in choices of action would arise, they would allow space for all possibilities, without rushing for solutions, trying to change or fix anything to fit in a certain way. i found it amazing. no apparent personal attachment to any particular solution, just peaceful consideration.
my impression is that, when opposites are allowed to co-exist without pressure to change, that that's like sitting in Da'at. not sure if that's completely accurate though, i still have much kabbalah to learn.
it sure felt good, which surprised me at the time. on some level it still does--but i can't get enough of it! so i speak what feels like it must be said (or i'll explode) and keep hoping that those i speak to will learn to receive what's said without feeling threatened by it.
maybe some day.
on myspace i have this list of sayings i've made up over time that i'll have to grab another time. my computer's too old to update the browser so i can't log onto myspace at the moment. later i may add the list to the end of this blog [actually it's posted as "b4ii" (10/15/09)].
one of the sayings was/is above, which may not be original with me--most of the "sayings" are simply stating the obvious, like--change is one of the few constants in the universe.
another one has to do with how more Truth is present when opposites are allowed to co-exist without attempts to change either. this doesn't make sense, in any rational way. and before i had this experience, i would've argued up/down/back/forth against it.
but really, the only thing that prevents the peaceful co-existance of opposites is the rational, logical mind: a human creation. rationality is a great tool and can actually go a long way to serving peace, but it too, has it's limits. it's good to develop a sense of when to let go of rationality and allow for either intuition or another non-linear, non-rational mode of thinking to be in the driver's seat, so to speak.
so what am i basing all this on, some kind of altered state, either induced by an additive (ie, drug) or meditation? not at all--not in the least, actually. this "saying" is based on attending a series of board meetings. yep, i'm a nerd, i went to board meetings for fun, lol. some would say i needed to get a life, but i felt like i was in the middle of it! cause with all the dead beauracracy we're surrounded with, i LOVE alive organizations. these board meetings were at the austin waldorf school that my son attended when he was small.
these meetings started with a marvelous verse by rudolf steiner, that i'm having trouble finding at the moment, which called us to seek the spiritual life through service to benefit others. and then they would discuss business. when the inevitable, apparent conflict in choices of action would arise, they would allow space for all possibilities, without rushing for solutions, trying to change or fix anything to fit in a certain way. i found it amazing. no apparent personal attachment to any particular solution, just peaceful consideration.
my impression is that, when opposites are allowed to co-exist without pressure to change, that that's like sitting in Da'at. not sure if that's completely accurate though, i still have much kabbalah to learn.
it sure felt good, which surprised me at the time. on some level it still does--but i can't get enough of it! so i speak what feels like it must be said (or i'll explode) and keep hoping that those i speak to will learn to receive what's said without feeling threatened by it.
maybe some day.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
exploring through myth
(also in the december MC newsletter)
There are many ways to learn and explore. There is studying ancient texts and their contexts, exploring the meaning of the words and all the possibilities of what was trying to be said. There is exploring dream time, contemplation and meditation. And there is following intuition and metaphor to see what that may disclose. This article describes an experience of exploring intuition, myth and metaphor.
Recently one afternoon, when experiencing a happy moment and prolonging it by thinking of things to be grateful for, my attention was drawn to the purse hanging on my arm. I'm fond of my African, woven purse that’s like a basket with leather straps. Then the myth of Little Red Riding Hood and her basket of goodies for her grandmother flashed across my mind, what I call an intuitive "hit." Next clicked the thought of Our Lady in Red and the story of the wolves with her in the forest, "There were many times disciples saw wolves going along with the Holy Bride in the woods," (p. 97, St. Mary Magdalene by Tau Malachi).
So I explored the myth of Little Red Riding Hood to see if there is any possibility that it could have its beginnings with Mary Magdalene. As far as I looked, that doesn't appear to be the case, although the resonance and possibility is definitely there. While exploring the mythos I came across several different metaphors within it, but what piqued my interest (another "hit") was about how Little Red Riding Hood was in a liminal state, between girlhood and womanhood, before starting her menses. Liminal states, according to Wikipedia, are characterized by ambiguity, openness, and indeterminacy. I love this state, that I often try to stretch, between waking and sleeping, when consciousness gets all surreal and nonlogical, where there's awareness but it's much looser than waking consciousness. It almost has a fluid tangibility and the end is indescript.
There are many examples of liminality. It is said that gnosis is somewhere between knowing and not knowing. Teenagers are liminal, between childhood and adulthood. There's also the wonderful seasonal tradition of hanging mistletoe in doorways. Mistletoe is considered a liminal plant as it grows between earth and sky, off the ground in trees, but then sheltered by their tree homes (not exposed to the sky). All thresholds are considered liminal, as they are between rooms or between outside and inside. Then kissing, like a peck on the cheek, is considered liminal as it crossing the threshold of someone's personal space without intruding into it. It's considered ok to kiss someone who may be committed to another person, another way the mistletoe tradition celebrates liminality.
From this liminal space, we learn about nondual reality! Certainly textual studies can expand what intuition can use to direct our learning. And so what began with a light-hearted moment of gratitude can end with more profound contemplations. The still, small voice inside (intuition) can lead us in fun and educational lessons. Something to consider 'neath the mistletoe this holiday season!
There are many ways to learn and explore. There is studying ancient texts and their contexts, exploring the meaning of the words and all the possibilities of what was trying to be said. There is exploring dream time, contemplation and meditation. And there is following intuition and metaphor to see what that may disclose. This article describes an experience of exploring intuition, myth and metaphor.
Recently one afternoon, when experiencing a happy moment and prolonging it by thinking of things to be grateful for, my attention was drawn to the purse hanging on my arm. I'm fond of my African, woven purse that’s like a basket with leather straps. Then the myth of Little Red Riding Hood and her basket of goodies for her grandmother flashed across my mind, what I call an intuitive "hit." Next clicked the thought of Our Lady in Red and the story of the wolves with her in the forest, "There were many times disciples saw wolves going along with the Holy Bride in the woods," (p. 97, St. Mary Magdalene by Tau Malachi).
So I explored the myth of Little Red Riding Hood to see if there is any possibility that it could have its beginnings with Mary Magdalene. As far as I looked, that doesn't appear to be the case, although the resonance and possibility is definitely there. While exploring the mythos I came across several different metaphors within it, but what piqued my interest (another "hit") was about how Little Red Riding Hood was in a liminal state, between girlhood and womanhood, before starting her menses. Liminal states, according to Wikipedia, are characterized by ambiguity, openness, and indeterminacy. I love this state, that I often try to stretch, between waking and sleeping, when consciousness gets all surreal and nonlogical, where there's awareness but it's much looser than waking consciousness. It almost has a fluid tangibility and the end is indescript.
There are many examples of liminality. It is said that gnosis is somewhere between knowing and not knowing. Teenagers are liminal, between childhood and adulthood. There's also the wonderful seasonal tradition of hanging mistletoe in doorways. Mistletoe is considered a liminal plant as it grows between earth and sky, off the ground in trees, but then sheltered by their tree homes (not exposed to the sky). All thresholds are considered liminal, as they are between rooms or between outside and inside. Then kissing, like a peck on the cheek, is considered liminal as it crossing the threshold of someone's personal space without intruding into it. It's considered ok to kiss someone who may be committed to another person, another way the mistletoe tradition celebrates liminality.
From this liminal space, we learn about nondual reality! Certainly textual studies can expand what intuition can use to direct our learning. And so what began with a light-hearted moment of gratitude can end with more profound contemplations. The still, small voice inside (intuition) can lead us in fun and educational lessons. Something to consider 'neath the mistletoe this holiday season!
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Lillith with power tools
now there's an image!
day before yesterday, in meditation i opened to Holy Shekinah to interact/receive/follow her direction. a beautiful, bare chested woman with radiant dark, curly/wavy hair appeared, wearing the minimalist green shift of a skirt; very luscious. she appeared loving and yet indifferent to my attraction. as she approached, she seemed intent on something in my head and began tinkering in the upper back of my brain, not unlike a mechanic in a car's engine. i sat with this for a long while. at some point i sensed a metal plate, a subtle energy form, laying across the top 1/4, inside my skull. perhaps the mechanic imagery inspired me to invent something like a hood.
at any rate, that image had been clear in my mind, off and on through the next day. i checked in with my tzaddik about it and he confirmed that she's, most likely, Lillith. today when i became aware of an itch i get in my consciousness, a bad mental habit, or even addiction, of needing to either get into a negative rut about someone else or about myself (when aimed at myself, it includes the dread of getting caught for a mistake). at that point, the vision shifted to Lillith with a welder's helmet, lighting up a blow torch to do some majoy metal cutting! yep, these ancient mental habits definitely feel like they need major work, like intense heat and cutting, to heal. i've also heard the sounds of metal saws cutting through metal.
gettin pretty noisey in there. i appreciate the humor these images bring. doesn't seem like She minds at all; i see her continuing her loving smile, while jumping back into the work in my skull. i often get that i need to lighten up. and i'm very grateful for this help and imagery.
Adonai Yeshua Messiah, have mercy on us.
day before yesterday, in meditation i opened to Holy Shekinah to interact/receive/follow her direction. a beautiful, bare chested woman with radiant dark, curly/wavy hair appeared, wearing the minimalist green shift of a skirt; very luscious. she appeared loving and yet indifferent to my attraction. as she approached, she seemed intent on something in my head and began tinkering in the upper back of my brain, not unlike a mechanic in a car's engine. i sat with this for a long while. at some point i sensed a metal plate, a subtle energy form, laying across the top 1/4, inside my skull. perhaps the mechanic imagery inspired me to invent something like a hood.
at any rate, that image had been clear in my mind, off and on through the next day. i checked in with my tzaddik about it and he confirmed that she's, most likely, Lillith. today when i became aware of an itch i get in my consciousness, a bad mental habit, or even addiction, of needing to either get into a negative rut about someone else or about myself (when aimed at myself, it includes the dread of getting caught for a mistake). at that point, the vision shifted to Lillith with a welder's helmet, lighting up a blow torch to do some majoy metal cutting! yep, these ancient mental habits definitely feel like they need major work, like intense heat and cutting, to heal. i've also heard the sounds of metal saws cutting through metal.
gettin pretty noisey in there. i appreciate the humor these images bring. doesn't seem like She minds at all; i see her continuing her loving smile, while jumping back into the work in my skull. i often get that i need to lighten up. and i'm very grateful for this help and imagery.
Adonai Yeshua Messiah, have mercy on us.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
stuck in traffic or levels of the soul
nov 1st, all saints day, my son's 18th birthday: he had his party in the afternoon so i went to the Pistis Sophia study that night.
Magdalene Circle meets in round rock which is not convenient. at all. minimally 45 minutes north of my house. i've learned to take mo-pac on the way there cause even on saturday afternoons, traffic on i35 can be a pain. but Usually, coming home, i35 is no trouble. which is good cause it's usually late, i'm usually tired (coming down from altered states) and it's a straight shot anyway. it's the shortest route. (altered states, as in, from meditation and study/discourse.)
on this particular sunday, i practically get to my exit but then traffic stops. i'm less than 100 yards from my exit (stassney) and it's a parking lot. emergency vehicles are racing by and i look ahead to see flames jumping up above the cars. the smoke and flames aren't slowing down so several of us turn off our cars, even the truckers turn their trucks off, and get out to stretch our legs. it was nice out, cept for the caustic cloud, and it was sorta nice to walk around a freeway where probably nobody ever just, you know, walks.
so we're walkin around. i'm really wantin some spray paint. guys are racing and rappin. there's a highway support that's within reach, that i can literally reach out and touch, and that's what i'm wishin i had spray paint for. i'd spray a equalateral cross within a circle with "WWMMD?" inside both arms, overlapping/sharing the first "M." but then it's pro'ly good i don't have spray paint cause i'd only have 100s of witnesses to report me.
where i was stopped on the freeway, there were 3 levels. below us 290/71 ran east/west (sorta). i was on i35 which runs relatively north/south and then above us, what the highway support, uhm, supported was the flyover from 290/71 to i35 northbound.
so then i get that i'm on the Neshama level here, lol. below us is Nefesh and above is Yechida and this highway support, that i can reach out and touch, is Ruach and Hayya.
not that i totally, truly *get* this. i'm still learning. but what i've learned is that two aspects of the 5 levels of the soul (Nefesh, Ruach, Neshama, Hayya, Yechida) are connectors. Ruach connects Nefesh with Neshama and Hayya connects Neshama with the infinite aspect of our soul, Yechida, that part of us that doesn't incarnate, that always resides with God.
it was an interesting metaphor that popped up, whether accurate or not, it made being stuck in traffic more interesting.
Magdalene Circle meets in round rock which is not convenient. at all. minimally 45 minutes north of my house. i've learned to take mo-pac on the way there cause even on saturday afternoons, traffic on i35 can be a pain. but Usually, coming home, i35 is no trouble. which is good cause it's usually late, i'm usually tired (coming down from altered states) and it's a straight shot anyway. it's the shortest route. (altered states, as in, from meditation and study/discourse.)
on this particular sunday, i practically get to my exit but then traffic stops. i'm less than 100 yards from my exit (stassney) and it's a parking lot. emergency vehicles are racing by and i look ahead to see flames jumping up above the cars. the smoke and flames aren't slowing down so several of us turn off our cars, even the truckers turn their trucks off, and get out to stretch our legs. it was nice out, cept for the caustic cloud, and it was sorta nice to walk around a freeway where probably nobody ever just, you know, walks.
so we're walkin around. i'm really wantin some spray paint. guys are racing and rappin. there's a highway support that's within reach, that i can literally reach out and touch, and that's what i'm wishin i had spray paint for. i'd spray a equalateral cross within a circle with "WWMMD?" inside both arms, overlapping/sharing the first "M." but then it's pro'ly good i don't have spray paint cause i'd only have 100s of witnesses to report me.
where i was stopped on the freeway, there were 3 levels. below us 290/71 ran east/west (sorta). i was on i35 which runs relatively north/south and then above us, what the highway support, uhm, supported was the flyover from 290/71 to i35 northbound.
so then i get that i'm on the Neshama level here, lol. below us is Nefesh and above is Yechida and this highway support, that i can reach out and touch, is Ruach and Hayya.
not that i totally, truly *get* this. i'm still learning. but what i've learned is that two aspects of the 5 levels of the soul (Nefesh, Ruach, Neshama, Hayya, Yechida) are connectors. Ruach connects Nefesh with Neshama and Hayya connects Neshama with the infinite aspect of our soul, Yechida, that part of us that doesn't incarnate, that always resides with God.
it was an interesting metaphor that popped up, whether accurate or not, it made being stuck in traffic more interesting.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
elements of ecstatic dance
(This article, about my experience with Body Choir, appeared in the Magdalene Circle October newsletter. Comments/feedback welcome!)
Mary Magdalene was an amazing dancer and I believe she still dances with us today! Here's one description of her dance:
"When she wished to dance alone, no one would rise to join her, but all sat entranced and enchanted by her dancing. Yet, when she wished others to join in, her dance would become intoxicating, so that no one could remain still. The energy of her dance would pass like a wildfire to all who were present, and all manner of prayers were answered when she danced." (St. Mary Magdalene, The Gnostic Tradition of the Holy Bride, Tau Malachi, p. 41)
Here are a few of the ideas behind ecstatic dance, although there's no substitute for getting into your body and letting the dance move you. You may find that some of these ideas are already a part of your spiritual practice.
Every expression is sacred. There's no wrong way to move. We dance in an atmosphere of unconditional love and acceptance.
Non-verbal. We express with movement rather than words. This helps us be more fully present in the moment as well as more accepting of all expression. Also this doesn't mean we're silent, just that whatever sounds we make come from deep within, not language from the mind. Dance is an opportunity to put mind in the back seat and let the soul-body connection be in the driver's seat. As such, it is a great moving meditation.
Dance with what shows up. Our inspiration comes from being "in the moment" with the music, other dancers and our surroundings. This is "showing up." Dancing with what shows up can be joyfull, but sometimes the music or program may be difficult to get into or dance to. Sometimes we may be dancing in partnership with someone and their dance may feel awkward. This speaks to the opportunity to dive deeper into the dance, to stick it out and explore new internal territories or make new connections with other dancers. Another way to dive deeper and explore is through repetitive movement. To pick a movement and repeat it, watching the mind, sometimes express boredom, while continuing with the movement, can be informative. Fully, authentically showing up, expressing who we are every moment, no matter what that looks like, accepting ourselves and what's around us--this kind of authenticity and acceptance can be very empowering and can expand our compassion with ourselves, each other and our surroundings.
"If you move it, it will change." Said by Gabrielle Roth who developed the 5Rhythms, this quote speaks to the transformational power of dance. Gabrielle studied aboriginal and other native peoples' dances and defined their moves as The 5Rhythms, which are flowing (feminine, circular, gathering, receptive, inhale), staccato (masculine, the heartbeat, angular, definitive, exhale), chaos (marriage, the storm, trust, let go), lyrical (playful, often 6/8, lightness) and stillness (returning home, resting, zen) forming a wave. Music for flowing is slower and the energy builds, then falls back to slower in stillness so that the wave can be repeated indefinitely. All of life can be described with one of these rhythms.
The Mirror. Everything the dancer experiences is their story. When seeing another’s dance, it may appear that they are having a certain kind of experience or expressing a certain story, but we can’t know what's going with them until they tell us after the dance. If what they share is different from what we perceived, then what we saw was a mirror of something going on inside us. In the twelve plus years I have been dancing with Body Choir, this mirror has blessed me with insights into myself that, when I own them and work what is presented to me, yield great results.
The Divine Witness. Seeing and being witnessed is sacred and powerful. We all need to be seen, for someone to witness our expressions in a non-judgemental, totally accepting atmosphere. Being seen validates who we are and what we feel in the moment. All the beauty expressed during dance can be amazing!
Manage your boundaries. Everyone is responsible for their own experience. You don't have to dance with anyone if you don't want and likewise, no one is obligated to dance with you. We're encouraged to connect, to stretch ourselves by letting others in, to dance intimately, but that is also everyone's choice and not a requirement.
Dance at the crossroads. I learned this idea from Vin Marti, a student of Gabrielle Roth who created SoulMotion. He describes a vertical dance and a horizontal dance. The vertical dance is going within and dancing one's connection with the Divine and with Mother Earth. The horizontal dance is dancing with others in the room, focusing on one's surroundings. Dancing at the crossroads is dancing both, being fully present with the Self, one's Creator and connection with the Earth as well as with others and shared surroundings. Initially this may sound like too much, but with practice, shifting attention back and forth, the experiences can become integrated. And of course, it's ok to focus in one direction, as the dancer feels called.
Where spirituality, sensuality and sexuality intersect. When partnering with another, the connection that happens in the dance is also considered sacred and is best honored by leaving it there, rather than making presumptions about connections beyond the dance. Occasionally dancers may experience a deep union as if God and Goddess (or Lord Yeshua and Lady Mirya) are joined in their dance. This is dancing where spirituality, sensuality and sexuality meet and can be done in complete innocence. Honoring the experience by leaving it in the dance enables innocence.
As a spiritual practice, dance can be very sacred. It can also be a lot of fun or simply social. There's room for every perspective and preference. In fact, when we celebrate our differences, the dance experience becomes more round and whole, welcoming All.
Mary Magdalene was an amazing dancer and I believe she still dances with us today! Here's one description of her dance:
"When she wished to dance alone, no one would rise to join her, but all sat entranced and enchanted by her dancing. Yet, when she wished others to join in, her dance would become intoxicating, so that no one could remain still. The energy of her dance would pass like a wildfire to all who were present, and all manner of prayers were answered when she danced." (St. Mary Magdalene, The Gnostic Tradition of the Holy Bride, Tau Malachi, p. 41)
Here are a few of the ideas behind ecstatic dance, although there's no substitute for getting into your body and letting the dance move you. You may find that some of these ideas are already a part of your spiritual practice.
Every expression is sacred. There's no wrong way to move. We dance in an atmosphere of unconditional love and acceptance.
Non-verbal. We express with movement rather than words. This helps us be more fully present in the moment as well as more accepting of all expression. Also this doesn't mean we're silent, just that whatever sounds we make come from deep within, not language from the mind. Dance is an opportunity to put mind in the back seat and let the soul-body connection be in the driver's seat. As such, it is a great moving meditation.
Dance with what shows up. Our inspiration comes from being "in the moment" with the music, other dancers and our surroundings. This is "showing up." Dancing with what shows up can be joyfull, but sometimes the music or program may be difficult to get into or dance to. Sometimes we may be dancing in partnership with someone and their dance may feel awkward. This speaks to the opportunity to dive deeper into the dance, to stick it out and explore new internal territories or make new connections with other dancers. Another way to dive deeper and explore is through repetitive movement. To pick a movement and repeat it, watching the mind, sometimes express boredom, while continuing with the movement, can be informative. Fully, authentically showing up, expressing who we are every moment, no matter what that looks like, accepting ourselves and what's around us--this kind of authenticity and acceptance can be very empowering and can expand our compassion with ourselves, each other and our surroundings.
"If you move it, it will change." Said by Gabrielle Roth who developed the 5Rhythms, this quote speaks to the transformational power of dance. Gabrielle studied aboriginal and other native peoples' dances and defined their moves as The 5Rhythms, which are flowing (feminine, circular, gathering, receptive, inhale), staccato (masculine, the heartbeat, angular, definitive, exhale), chaos (marriage, the storm, trust, let go), lyrical (playful, often 6/8, lightness) and stillness (returning home, resting, zen) forming a wave. Music for flowing is slower and the energy builds, then falls back to slower in stillness so that the wave can be repeated indefinitely. All of life can be described with one of these rhythms.
The Mirror. Everything the dancer experiences is their story. When seeing another’s dance, it may appear that they are having a certain kind of experience or expressing a certain story, but we can’t know what's going with them until they tell us after the dance. If what they share is different from what we perceived, then what we saw was a mirror of something going on inside us. In the twelve plus years I have been dancing with Body Choir, this mirror has blessed me with insights into myself that, when I own them and work what is presented to me, yield great results.
The Divine Witness. Seeing and being witnessed is sacred and powerful. We all need to be seen, for someone to witness our expressions in a non-judgemental, totally accepting atmosphere. Being seen validates who we are and what we feel in the moment. All the beauty expressed during dance can be amazing!
Manage your boundaries. Everyone is responsible for their own experience. You don't have to dance with anyone if you don't want and likewise, no one is obligated to dance with you. We're encouraged to connect, to stretch ourselves by letting others in, to dance intimately, but that is also everyone's choice and not a requirement.
Dance at the crossroads. I learned this idea from Vin Marti, a student of Gabrielle Roth who created SoulMotion. He describes a vertical dance and a horizontal dance. The vertical dance is going within and dancing one's connection with the Divine and with Mother Earth. The horizontal dance is dancing with others in the room, focusing on one's surroundings. Dancing at the crossroads is dancing both, being fully present with the Self, one's Creator and connection with the Earth as well as with others and shared surroundings. Initially this may sound like too much, but with practice, shifting attention back and forth, the experiences can become integrated. And of course, it's ok to focus in one direction, as the dancer feels called.
Where spirituality, sensuality and sexuality intersect. When partnering with another, the connection that happens in the dance is also considered sacred and is best honored by leaving it there, rather than making presumptions about connections beyond the dance. Occasionally dancers may experience a deep union as if God and Goddess (or Lord Yeshua and Lady Mirya) are joined in their dance. This is dancing where spirituality, sensuality and sexuality meet and can be done in complete innocence. Honoring the experience by leaving it in the dance enables innocence.
As a spiritual practice, dance can be very sacred. It can also be a lot of fun or simply social. There's room for every perspective and preference. In fact, when we celebrate our differences, the dance experience becomes more round and whole, welcoming All.
what matters
new focus/context--
"What knowledge, understanding and wisdom have we acquired? How have we loved the Holy One and our relations? What have we done to serve and uplift humanity, or to serve and uplift those around us?
What matters is our experience, the knowledge we gain, our capacity to love, and how we have been of actual benefit to others. That’s it – nothing more, nothing less!
If I look into my present incarnation, then, I may discern the karma of previous incarnations, and I may discern the work and tikkune (healing) to be done. Where do I need to increase knowledge, understanding and wisdom, where do I need to grow my capacity to love and give, and where can I be of help and service to others? Where are these things compromised or restricted, and how can I overcome those barriers – how can I grow in Christ and open further to the Light from above, the Holy Spirit?
How can I make the most of my present opportunity?"
excerpt/quote written by tau malachi,
http://sophian.org/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1803
"What knowledge, understanding and wisdom have we acquired? How have we loved the Holy One and our relations? What have we done to serve and uplift humanity, or to serve and uplift those around us?
What matters is our experience, the knowledge we gain, our capacity to love, and how we have been of actual benefit to others. That’s it – nothing more, nothing less!
If I look into my present incarnation, then, I may discern the karma of previous incarnations, and I may discern the work and tikkune (healing) to be done. Where do I need to increase knowledge, understanding and wisdom, where do I need to grow my capacity to love and give, and where can I be of help and service to others? Where are these things compromised or restricted, and how can I overcome those barriers – how can I grow in Christ and open further to the Light from above, the Holy Spirit?
How can I make the most of my present opportunity?"
excerpt/quote written by tau malachi,
http://sophian.org/forum/v
Friday, October 16, 2009
picture from here
notes on my current focus (foci). i'm thinking this may change over time, but this is where i am at the moment (different from where i was pre-april, before the wizard visions, when i was lead to Magdalene Circle).
besides continued study, including gnosis of the cosmic christ, pistis sophia, gospel of st. thomas and others, increased meditation practice, participating in on-line discussions and meeting with the austin circle, this is a list of my current understandings or adjustments to context (?) maybe.
--release aversion, attachment, self-cherishing and criticism (different from discernment)
--cleave to Christ, Logos and Sophia, to live a Christ-centered life
--be of service
--see all of Life as a reflection of mind, "life is but a dream" and desiring/working toward lucid dreaming
we're surrounded by Holy Spirit as Nature and we're surrounded by archonic/klippotic forces, not to be resisted, while maintaining focus on Christ and being of service toward the enlightenment and liberation of all beings in all realms.
learning/discussing maps (ie, tree of life) but not pinpointing personal experience, that Truth is between knowing and not knowing.
besides continued study, including gnosis of the cosmic christ, pistis sophia, gospel of st. thomas and others, increased meditation practice, participating in on-line discussions and meeting with the austin circle, this is a list of my current understandings or adjustments to context (?) maybe.
--release aversion, attachment, self-cherishing and criticism (different from discernment)
--cleave to Christ, Logos and Sophia, to live a Christ-centered life
--be of service
--see all of Life as a reflection of mind, "life is but a dream" and desiring/working toward lucid dreaming
we're surrounded by Holy Spirit as Nature and we're surrounded by archonic/klippotic forces, not to be resisted, while maintaining focus on Christ and being of service toward the enlightenment and liberation of all beings in all realms.
learning/discussing maps (ie, tree of life) but not pinpointing personal experience, that Truth is between knowing and not knowing.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
b4 ii
"sayings" referred to in the "crazy Truth" blog (12/12/09). most of these i made up. . .the list is longer than i remembered and that's with deleting quite a few. guess i get carried away sometimes. . . .
• the basic fabric of the universe is Love (ahimsa/harmlessness).*
• God (the Universe, the Creator, the Divine, the Source or whatever label you use) is beyond comprehension (omniscient, omnipresent) which includes beyond gender.
• everything is a miraculous creation of God. . .and God is part of everything. in our species, we are connected to the Divine through our hearts and subconscoius.
• the Creator (God, the Universe, etc.) loves us (is concerned about us), individually, which means that yes, God is into the details.
• when God/Higher Self/Soul wants to tell us something, s/he begins gently with whispers. if we don't hear, God continues to speak louder and louder until the signal becomes a heart attack or cancer or an unbalanced ecosystem. whatever it takes. it's not punishment, it's actually patience 'cause we have all the time in the world!* (if we dont get it this lifetime, there's always the next one.)
• breath is the ultimate metaphor of the universe.*
• everyone has access to the fulfillment of their heart's desire(s).
• all you can do is the best you can do. and your best is always good enough as long as you realize your best is always changing.*
• everything is ok with God all the time.* :)
• courage is not the absence of fear. it can be rage purified through the heart.*
• everything contains its opposite.* (everything/one is whole, containing the full range of possibilities, even those unexpressed.)
• the subtle rules that which has mass.* (in other words, matter is based on, structured subtle energies that can't be perceived by the usual 5 senses.)
• when another's "privacy" is a dysfunctional secret that hurts me, i get to go public with my experience (i'm not a victim).*
• what seems to work best is to focus on what you want and leave the rest be. (or as someone else put it more succinctly: what you resist, persists.)
• happiness is the best revenge! (or when "bad" things happen outside of your control, focus on what you can control, like taking good care of yourself and being of service to others which is a true joy.)
• our true nature is that we are infinite and immortal.
• if you can truly forgive yourself (by owning that you chose all the suffering you've experienced, then forgiving yourself for putting yourself through it), then we can free ourselves from the karmic loop.* (which is the point i believe jesus was trying to teach and why i'm christian.)
• sometimes things get worse before they get better.* (for instance, when i'm organizing something, usually the mess gets worse before it improves. this also applies to personal and sociological changes, imo).
• there are very few constants in the universe.* (change/entropy/chaos and Love are two i know of.)
• 3 Ms: metaphor, mirror and mystery. metaphor is an amazing teacher and everything in your world is ultimately, a mirror. mystery is important to honor, to allow, as all things are borne of the void (no thing).*
• an artist's aesthetic is visible as their physical body and their work.*
• each individual is their own ultimate authority.*
• while the golden rule (do unto others as you would have them do unto you) is a great place to start, it is important to remember that we don't all want to be treated the same way. so it's valueable to check in with the other to discover their preference.
• the combination of Truth & Love is irresistable.* (oh wait, i already said that.) the Truth without Love is too cold & heartless/dehumanizing, Love without Truth can be smothering. . .and well, it can kill you.
• there is more Truth present when opposing viewpoints are shared (without reconciliation).*
• suffering is unnecessary.*
• we are given a heart to let it break. it actually hurts worse to try to hold it together and avoid heartbreak. the more you allow it to shatter, the more Truth radiates.*
• we do what we need to learn.* (often there is something in our profession that we need to learn: caregivers need to learn to care for themselves, writers need to learn to communicate, educators need to learn how to, lol, learn, etc.)
• people are people are people.* (there are common experiences we all share regardless of race, gender, age, economic status, belief system, education, sexual preference or anything else.)
• anytime there are more than two people gathered, there are politics. we are political beings.*
• the point seems to be to make connections and let your light shine.* (matt 13:33)
• there is as much infinity inside our skin as there is outside of it.*
• being is enough.
• the heart is the seat of true wisdom.
• God wants us to experience pleasure and to have Faith in ourselves.*
• work can be very therapeutic.*
• valuing compassion keeps you honest.* (another one of those Love + Truth thangs.)
• the basic fabric of the universe is Love (ahimsa/harmlessness).*
• God (the Universe, the Creator, the Divine, the Source or whatever label you use) is beyond comprehension (omniscient, omnipresent) which includes beyond gender.
• everything is a miraculous creation of God. . .and God is part of everything. in our species, we are connected to the Divine through our hearts and subconscoius.
• the Creator (God, the Universe, etc.) loves us (is concerned about us), individually, which means that yes, God is into the details.
• when God/Higher Self/Soul wants to tell us something, s/he begins gently with whispers. if we don't hear, God continues to speak louder and louder until the signal becomes a heart attack or cancer or an unbalanced ecosystem. whatever it takes. it's not punishment, it's actually patience 'cause we have all the time in the world!* (if we dont get it this lifetime, there's always the next one.)
• breath is the ultimate metaphor of the universe.*
• everyone has access to the fulfillment of their heart's desire(s).
• all you can do is the best you can do. and your best is always good enough as long as you realize your best is always changing.*
• everything is ok with God all the time.* :)
• courage is not the absence of fear. it can be rage purified through the heart.*
• everything contains its opposite.* (everything/one is whole, containing the full range of possibilities, even those unexpressed.)
• the subtle rules that which has mass.* (in other words, matter is based on, structured subtle energies that can't be perceived by the usual 5 senses.)
• when another's "privacy" is a dysfunctional secret that hurts me, i get to go public with my experience (i'm not a victim).*
• what seems to work best is to focus on what you want and leave the rest be. (or as someone else put it more succinctly: what you resist, persists.)
• happiness is the best revenge! (or when "bad" things happen outside of your control, focus on what you can control, like taking good care of yourself and being of service to others which is a true joy.)
• our true nature is that we are infinite and immortal.
• if you can truly forgive yourself (by owning that you chose all the suffering you've experienced, then forgiving yourself for putting yourself through it), then we can free ourselves from the karmic loop.* (which is the point i believe jesus was trying to teach and why i'm christian.)
• sometimes things get worse before they get better.* (for instance, when i'm organizing something, usually the mess gets worse before it improves. this also applies to personal and sociological changes, imo).
• there are very few constants in the universe.* (change/entropy/chaos and Love are two i know of.)
• 3 Ms: metaphor, mirror and mystery. metaphor is an amazing teacher and everything in your world is ultimately, a mirror. mystery is important to honor, to allow, as all things are borne of the void (no thing).*
• an artist's aesthetic is visible as their physical body and their work.*
• each individual is their own ultimate authority.*
• while the golden rule (do unto others as you would have them do unto you) is a great place to start, it is important to remember that we don't all want to be treated the same way. so it's valueable to check in with the other to discover their preference.
• the combination of Truth & Love is irresistable.* (oh wait, i already said that.) the Truth without Love is too cold & heartless/dehumanizing, Love without Truth can be smothering. . .and well, it can kill you.
• there is more Truth present when opposing viewpoints are shared (without reconciliation).*
• suffering is unnecessary.*
• we are given a heart to let it break. it actually hurts worse to try to hold it together and avoid heartbreak. the more you allow it to shatter, the more Truth radiates.*
• we do what we need to learn.* (often there is something in our profession that we need to learn: caregivers need to learn to care for themselves, writers need to learn to communicate, educators need to learn how to, lol, learn, etc.)
• people are people are people.* (there are common experiences we all share regardless of race, gender, age, economic status, belief system, education, sexual preference or anything else.)
• anytime there are more than two people gathered, there are politics. we are political beings.*
• the point seems to be to make connections and let your light shine.* (matt 13:33)
• there is as much infinity inside our skin as there is outside of it.*
• being is enough.
• the heart is the seat of true wisdom.
• God wants us to experience pleasure and to have Faith in ourselves.*
• work can be very therapeutic.*
• valuing compassion keeps you honest.* (another one of those Love + Truth thangs.)
b4
before i was led to the Magdalene Circle, i labeled myself a "pagan buddhist christian." here's an old myspace blog on what i'd worked out.
Friday, May 20, 2005
 | ok, so what kind of 'christian - other' do i mean? throughout my explorations of Truth, philosophy, life paths and theology, i've brought Jesus with me. not once has anyone ever asked me to renounce Him (which is what i was taught as a child would happen). amazingly the Truth is reflected in all faiths and my heart has called me to integrate these aspects. |
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
crazy visions
should i start with this? such strangeness.
years ago while getting some energetic work done by an amazing healer, i had a vision of being from another planet. some who know me won't think twice about this; i'm a little odd. i've had sensations that i couldn't really explain my whole life, since i was very young, and i've wondered what they were. hard to put words to it, but it's something like things shifting from thin toothpick-like size to big, puffy marshmellow-like size, the same object, shifting back and forth, only i can feel it inside, like touch, but not with my skin. right. when i was young, i found those experiences frightening, but by the time of this healing session, i had learned to breathe through them. let them be. they're much more rare. attempting to talk about them, i put the words 'shifting dimensions' to the experience. still not sure what it is.
during this session, seeing myself on another planet, with these familiar, strange sensations, i saw how my species were naturally able to shift dimensions, so that galaxies became atoms and atoms became galaxies, seemingly traveling but really not moving, more of a contraction or an expansion. i seemed to remember a desire to travel across the same dimension, that a star had caught my eye and with adolescent wonder, determination and carelessness, i struck out across the abyss. traveling, traveling, working to maintain focus, which star was it? that one! focus, traveling, stretching, where am i? where are my edges? feeling fear and self-abandon and cold, lost. lost in the darkness for who knows how long.
then waking to a comet, catching its tail and riding, refreshed by new focus.
this was about the time of hale-bopp when i wondered how many souls may be saved from the abyss by passing comets.
so it seemed like a past life, but who knows, really. doesn't much matter if it's true or not. it illustrates experience from another perspective, another internal landscape, best not taken too seriously.
i'm really loving this new path that i started studying last april: Sophian Gnostic Christianity (magdalene-circle.org). great schtuff! can't get enough, trying not to loose my job from reading it too much at work. learning more about Christ, our true nature and True Will (Divine Will). getting interesting possible explanations for some of my strange experiences, learning kabbalah and the tree of life, wondering exactly where i've visited, what types of consciousness i've touched.
suddenly today it seemed that i must've come here, to this planet, to study to manifest/call in/allow to flow the Christ nature in me, to return home to be their Messiah.
right. not to be taken seriously.
but what if?
years ago while getting some energetic work done by an amazing healer, i had a vision of being from another planet. some who know me won't think twice about this; i'm a little odd. i've had sensations that i couldn't really explain my whole life, since i was very young, and i've wondered what they were. hard to put words to it, but it's something like things shifting from thin toothpick-like size to big, puffy marshmellow-like size, the same object, shifting back and forth, only i can feel it inside, like touch, but not with my skin. right. when i was young, i found those experiences frightening, but by the time of this healing session, i had learned to breathe through them. let them be. they're much more rare. attempting to talk about them, i put the words 'shifting dimensions' to the experience. still not sure what it is.
during this session, seeing myself on another planet, with these familiar, strange sensations, i saw how my species were naturally able to shift dimensions, so that galaxies became atoms and atoms became galaxies, seemingly traveling but really not moving, more of a contraction or an expansion. i seemed to remember a desire to travel across the same dimension, that a star had caught my eye and with adolescent wonder, determination and carelessness, i struck out across the abyss. traveling, traveling, working to maintain focus, which star was it? that one! focus, traveling, stretching, where am i? where are my edges? feeling fear and self-abandon and cold, lost. lost in the darkness for who knows how long.
then waking to a comet, catching its tail and riding, refreshed by new focus.
this was about the time of hale-bopp when i wondered how many souls may be saved from the abyss by passing comets.
so it seemed like a past life, but who knows, really. doesn't much matter if it's true or not. it illustrates experience from another perspective, another internal landscape, best not taken too seriously.
i'm really loving this new path that i started studying last april: Sophian Gnostic Christianity (magdalene-circle.org). great schtuff! can't get enough, trying not to loose my job from reading it too much at work. learning more about Christ, our true nature and True Will (Divine Will). getting interesting possible explanations for some of my strange experiences, learning kabbalah and the tree of life, wondering exactly where i've visited, what types of consciousness i've touched.
suddenly today it seemed that i must've come here, to this planet, to study to manifest/call in/allow to flow the Christ nature in me, to return home to be their Messiah.
right. not to be taken seriously.
but what if?
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