i struggle with these illusions, seems like a lot, especially recently. others may *get* it. you might get it. but i'm writing this incase i forget it again.
1.) sometimes there's conflict/challenge even though i haven't done anything wrong.
part of this comes from that whole childhood psyche thing where kids, especially those who grow up with abuse, blame themselves as a way to control the insanity in their lives cause it'd be too much to deal with when so vulnerable as children, like that the people beating us are those we depend on for food, shelter, etc. i've gotten over this outlook for many situations, even past the "new age" version of how we create our own reality, which doesn't explain 100%, not everything.
what i'm reminded about recently is personal conflicts with others, like communication break downs (let's leave mercury out of this; neutralize any effect). i can do everything ok, take care of myself and my boundaries, and it's still possible for things to get way fucked up. in fact, my experience is that often when i'm in a good place, doin good/feelin good, is when someone shows up who doesn't get it. this brings me to the second one.
2.) just because someone seems impossible, doesn't mean they are evil or unlikeable. they can be ok as they are.
which really irritates me. if someone acts like they don't like me and i'm not doing anything wrong, then i really want something to be wrong with them and for no one else to be able to stand them either. very childish, yes, which is why i keep this to myself. but many folks i listen to (and i do a lot of listening) express this sentiment. it's hard but i'd rather ground myself in the reality that they (the person in the conflict) are ok, maybe even have qualities i appreciate, than to tear them down or make up negative stories about them in my head.
even though it might not make any sense to me why someone might act like everything i do is wrong, that doesn't make it my problem. sure i can explore to see if there's some way to accommodate their preferences. in the current situation at work, feels like my peer is simply interested in power over and i'm simply not interested in giving my power away, so here we are.
i learned some of this schtuff when working hospice. most of the time, families are at their best when a loved one is dying, but occasionally (i'd guess bout 5% of the time) you get to work with a family where this isn't the case. and no one can blame them! death is one of the most difficult circumstances to deal with, for everyone. so occasionally, even the nicest nurses would work with one of these families and end up getting "fired" by them and then we'd all feel relieved.
cause as much as some of us may try to be reasonable, to leave as much drama behind as possible, as much as we might try to do the right thing, checking in with others around us to make sure whatever fits for everyone, as much effort as we may put into creating harmony; we're all, basically, human.
so i continue to work to give myself a break, while i continue to work to give others breaks.
to leave the conflicts be. leave 'm behind and focus on the harmony, on when it works, which is actually most of the time.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
ALL as new
releasing old context, old reference points, setting ground in the heart flame.
could it be so simple, the communion of seekers?
all seems new. once this was unnerving and surreal, but has grown secure through Holy Mother's Love and Grace, teaching me love and grace, this centering in the heart. forgiveness for all, releasing all needs to the Divine for perfect fulfillment.
meeting in circle, such comfort from other spiritual nerds. even though we are all very different, not like minded, there is an acceptance, a tender/gentle presence, recognition of sharing a path in this world, but not of it.
not that i've arrived or am in this space always, but enjoying this newness, outside of attachment, aversion or grasping.
yes, much grace.
and grateful.
could it be so simple, the communion of seekers?
all seems new. once this was unnerving and surreal, but has grown secure through Holy Mother's Love and Grace, teaching me love and grace, this centering in the heart. forgiveness for all, releasing all needs to the Divine for perfect fulfillment.
meeting in circle, such comfort from other spiritual nerds. even though we are all very different, not like minded, there is an acceptance, a tender/gentle presence, recognition of sharing a path in this world, but not of it.
not that i've arrived or am in this space always, but enjoying this newness, outside of attachment, aversion or grasping.
yes, much grace.
and grateful.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
crazy Truth
can't sleep, might as well blog. i suppose all honeymoons must end, change being one of the few constants of the universe 'n all. still sucks.
on myspace i have this list of sayings i've made up over time that i'll have to grab another time. my computer's too old to update the browser so i can't log onto myspace at the moment. later i may add the list to the end of this blog [actually it's posted as "b4ii" (10/15/09)].
one of the sayings was/is above, which may not be original with me--most of the "sayings" are simply stating the obvious, like--change is one of the few constants in the universe.
another one has to do with how more Truth is present when opposites are allowed to co-exist without attempts to change either. this doesn't make sense, in any rational way. and before i had this experience, i would've argued up/down/back/forth against it.
but really, the only thing that prevents the peaceful co-existance of opposites is the rational, logical mind: a human creation. rationality is a great tool and can actually go a long way to serving peace, but it too, has it's limits. it's good to develop a sense of when to let go of rationality and allow for either intuition or another non-linear, non-rational mode of thinking to be in the driver's seat, so to speak.
so what am i basing all this on, some kind of altered state, either induced by an additive (ie, drug) or meditation? not at all--not in the least, actually. this "saying" is based on attending a series of board meetings. yep, i'm a nerd, i went to board meetings for fun, lol. some would say i needed to get a life, but i felt like i was in the middle of it! cause with all the dead beauracracy we're surrounded with, i LOVE alive organizations. these board meetings were at the austin waldorf school that my son attended when he was small.
these meetings started with a marvelous verse by rudolf steiner, that i'm having trouble finding at the moment, which called us to seek the spiritual life through service to benefit others. and then they would discuss business. when the inevitable, apparent conflict in choices of action would arise, they would allow space for all possibilities, without rushing for solutions, trying to change or fix anything to fit in a certain way. i found it amazing. no apparent personal attachment to any particular solution, just peaceful consideration.
my impression is that, when opposites are allowed to co-exist without pressure to change, that that's like sitting in Da'at. not sure if that's completely accurate though, i still have much kabbalah to learn.
it sure felt good, which surprised me at the time. on some level it still does--but i can't get enough of it! so i speak what feels like it must be said (or i'll explode) and keep hoping that those i speak to will learn to receive what's said without feeling threatened by it.
maybe some day.
on myspace i have this list of sayings i've made up over time that i'll have to grab another time. my computer's too old to update the browser so i can't log onto myspace at the moment. later i may add the list to the end of this blog [actually it's posted as "b4ii" (10/15/09)].
one of the sayings was/is above, which may not be original with me--most of the "sayings" are simply stating the obvious, like--change is one of the few constants in the universe.
another one has to do with how more Truth is present when opposites are allowed to co-exist without attempts to change either. this doesn't make sense, in any rational way. and before i had this experience, i would've argued up/down/back/forth against it.
but really, the only thing that prevents the peaceful co-existance of opposites is the rational, logical mind: a human creation. rationality is a great tool and can actually go a long way to serving peace, but it too, has it's limits. it's good to develop a sense of when to let go of rationality and allow for either intuition or another non-linear, non-rational mode of thinking to be in the driver's seat, so to speak.
so what am i basing all this on, some kind of altered state, either induced by an additive (ie, drug) or meditation? not at all--not in the least, actually. this "saying" is based on attending a series of board meetings. yep, i'm a nerd, i went to board meetings for fun, lol. some would say i needed to get a life, but i felt like i was in the middle of it! cause with all the dead beauracracy we're surrounded with, i LOVE alive organizations. these board meetings were at the austin waldorf school that my son attended when he was small.
these meetings started with a marvelous verse by rudolf steiner, that i'm having trouble finding at the moment, which called us to seek the spiritual life through service to benefit others. and then they would discuss business. when the inevitable, apparent conflict in choices of action would arise, they would allow space for all possibilities, without rushing for solutions, trying to change or fix anything to fit in a certain way. i found it amazing. no apparent personal attachment to any particular solution, just peaceful consideration.
my impression is that, when opposites are allowed to co-exist without pressure to change, that that's like sitting in Da'at. not sure if that's completely accurate though, i still have much kabbalah to learn.
it sure felt good, which surprised me at the time. on some level it still does--but i can't get enough of it! so i speak what feels like it must be said (or i'll explode) and keep hoping that those i speak to will learn to receive what's said without feeling threatened by it.
maybe some day.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
exploring through myth
(also in the december MC newsletter)
There are many ways to learn and explore. There is studying ancient texts and their contexts, exploring the meaning of the words and all the possibilities of what was trying to be said. There is exploring dream time, contemplation and meditation. And there is following intuition and metaphor to see what that may disclose. This article describes an experience of exploring intuition, myth and metaphor.
Recently one afternoon, when experiencing a happy moment and prolonging it by thinking of things to be grateful for, my attention was drawn to the purse hanging on my arm. I'm fond of my African, woven purse that’s like a basket with leather straps. Then the myth of Little Red Riding Hood and her basket of goodies for her grandmother flashed across my mind, what I call an intuitive "hit." Next clicked the thought of Our Lady in Red and the story of the wolves with her in the forest, "There were many times disciples saw wolves going along with the Holy Bride in the woods," (p. 97, St. Mary Magdalene by Tau Malachi).
So I explored the myth of Little Red Riding Hood to see if there is any possibility that it could have its beginnings with Mary Magdalene. As far as I looked, that doesn't appear to be the case, although the resonance and possibility is definitely there. While exploring the mythos I came across several different metaphors within it, but what piqued my interest (another "hit") was about how Little Red Riding Hood was in a liminal state, between girlhood and womanhood, before starting her menses. Liminal states, according to Wikipedia, are characterized by ambiguity, openness, and indeterminacy. I love this state, that I often try to stretch, between waking and sleeping, when consciousness gets all surreal and nonlogical, where there's awareness but it's much looser than waking consciousness. It almost has a fluid tangibility and the end is indescript.
There are many examples of liminality. It is said that gnosis is somewhere between knowing and not knowing. Teenagers are liminal, between childhood and adulthood. There's also the wonderful seasonal tradition of hanging mistletoe in doorways. Mistletoe is considered a liminal plant as it grows between earth and sky, off the ground in trees, but then sheltered by their tree homes (not exposed to the sky). All thresholds are considered liminal, as they are between rooms or between outside and inside. Then kissing, like a peck on the cheek, is considered liminal as it crossing the threshold of someone's personal space without intruding into it. It's considered ok to kiss someone who may be committed to another person, another way the mistletoe tradition celebrates liminality.
From this liminal space, we learn about nondual reality! Certainly textual studies can expand what intuition can use to direct our learning. And so what began with a light-hearted moment of gratitude can end with more profound contemplations. The still, small voice inside (intuition) can lead us in fun and educational lessons. Something to consider 'neath the mistletoe this holiday season!
There are many ways to learn and explore. There is studying ancient texts and their contexts, exploring the meaning of the words and all the possibilities of what was trying to be said. There is exploring dream time, contemplation and meditation. And there is following intuition and metaphor to see what that may disclose. This article describes an experience of exploring intuition, myth and metaphor.
Recently one afternoon, when experiencing a happy moment and prolonging it by thinking of things to be grateful for, my attention was drawn to the purse hanging on my arm. I'm fond of my African, woven purse that’s like a basket with leather straps. Then the myth of Little Red Riding Hood and her basket of goodies for her grandmother flashed across my mind, what I call an intuitive "hit." Next clicked the thought of Our Lady in Red and the story of the wolves with her in the forest, "There were many times disciples saw wolves going along with the Holy Bride in the woods," (p. 97, St. Mary Magdalene by Tau Malachi).
So I explored the myth of Little Red Riding Hood to see if there is any possibility that it could have its beginnings with Mary Magdalene. As far as I looked, that doesn't appear to be the case, although the resonance and possibility is definitely there. While exploring the mythos I came across several different metaphors within it, but what piqued my interest (another "hit") was about how Little Red Riding Hood was in a liminal state, between girlhood and womanhood, before starting her menses. Liminal states, according to Wikipedia, are characterized by ambiguity, openness, and indeterminacy. I love this state, that I often try to stretch, between waking and sleeping, when consciousness gets all surreal and nonlogical, where there's awareness but it's much looser than waking consciousness. It almost has a fluid tangibility and the end is indescript.
There are many examples of liminality. It is said that gnosis is somewhere between knowing and not knowing. Teenagers are liminal, between childhood and adulthood. There's also the wonderful seasonal tradition of hanging mistletoe in doorways. Mistletoe is considered a liminal plant as it grows between earth and sky, off the ground in trees, but then sheltered by their tree homes (not exposed to the sky). All thresholds are considered liminal, as they are between rooms or between outside and inside. Then kissing, like a peck on the cheek, is considered liminal as it crossing the threshold of someone's personal space without intruding into it. It's considered ok to kiss someone who may be committed to another person, another way the mistletoe tradition celebrates liminality.
From this liminal space, we learn about nondual reality! Certainly textual studies can expand what intuition can use to direct our learning. And so what began with a light-hearted moment of gratitude can end with more profound contemplations. The still, small voice inside (intuition) can lead us in fun and educational lessons. Something to consider 'neath the mistletoe this holiday season!
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