left work at 11p last night and on the drive home, felt subtly bombarded by the vast array of internal feelings. too many to get, to understand. breathed and cried and let the emotional cacophony be, focusing on the ground of being (we share) of Love. this feels, however challenging, also like good practice. eventually i arrived home and my mind was distracted by other things like fresh cool wet air and the peace of home.
this morning i had a dream full of alien content: the environment, the beings in it, my way of being were all foreign to me. and yet i was able to be loving, to wakefully care, throughout the dream, without feeling dominated by alarm. after waking, i felt a curious new harmony.
both zen and sophian gnosticism inform this perspective, this practice. it's part of what i mean when i say, "Everyone loves what does. She whispers, 'Love what doesn't.'" what does or doesn't what?! it's easy to love what makes sense, what cooperates, what agrees with our sensibilities, our preferences. the challenge is always that which opposes our preferences, our senses, our perspective on Life. this is what calls for acceptance.
and it's not like i've 'arrived,' but more like my first taste of what i will be continuing to practice. i'm sure there may be times when i fall back into alarm and rejection, but maybe even then, i can remember curiosity and compassion.
hopefully.
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